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A Long Time Running or Coming

One of my all time favorites and some of the lyrics get me right in the feels ❤❤

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=CN5pUbb-VqY&feature=share


It's been quite a while since I have posted. As the title says A long time coming. Or in my case running. I haven't posted because I have felt like a failure and am embarrassed. I have received many many messages asking where we were and how things are. I have appreciated every one of them. I though, couldn't answer them. I felt humiliated and didn't know what to say. I was confused about what had happened and was happening. Part of me was also holding on to the hope that things were going to change. But that wasn't going to happen. And now it's the end of January. And I have to shake my head as I wonder, where did the last six months go?


When deciding that living on the road and not staying in one place was MY dream and we were going to do it, a lot of things started happening. The Covid-19 pandemic. Apartments that were thought to be secured for my kids weren't. The move was horrible. And the worst one yet. If I could go back and change anything about any of it, it would be the way the days of the move happened. I would have rather have a few last meaningful moments living with my kids. I missed some really important signs about what the next few months were going to bring.


Starting out in September I was so excited about what was going on and going to happen. I couldn't wait to get going. Every day I was hoping that was going to be the day. Each passing day also brought more doubt and stress. Tensions and aggravation kept increasing by the day. So the arguing and fighting was becoming more frequent as well. I just needed to get going and everything was going to be alright, I kept saying to myself. But we just kept sitting in Spencerville, in a friends yard, then my mom's.


Living in a van, camper or RV is difficult. Unless you are rich and have a luxury RV, Airstream, VW. And definitely not for everyone. But it sucks 100% more when you are stationary and not going anywhere. And staying where you have already been for years. Like the same routine everyday but living outside. What had started with so much excitement and joy was now becoming something that was hard and not making me happy.


I need to add information to the situation. I am a dumbass. I let my drivers license expire. I am unable to legally drive the vehicle. He does have a license though ☹


Thanksgiving has come and gone by now. Its really cold too. And by this point we are barely speaking to each other anymore and when we do it's only to fight. I realized that this was probably not something that we both want. Or maybe something that we shouldn't do if this is the result. But I couldn't or wouldn't give up the idea that this was what I am going to do.


Halloween is now here and we are now in Brockville staying at a cheap motel. November and Christmas. Living in a motel isn't an ideal situation but I am thankful that it has been an option. It has been cold. Many others do not have that option. I have thought about that quite a bit lately as we have been precariously housed for the past few months. The rental housing market in town is really bad. I haven't looked for a place in a very long time. It has been difficult. But today we got a place. Signed the year lease and move in on Monday.


So you will probably see me around. Time to figure out the one year plan. Figure out whats next. And get my license on Monday.


While I wish that I could go back and change a lot about the past 6 months (I would not have made this site) I thank you for reading. Thank you for following, tweets, messaging and interest.


This isn't the end of the story. Just waiting for the next chapter. Keep dreaming, always.


M








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